Madam Kighal's Astrology

Aries (March 21st-April 19th):

Leading a Riot. “Yeah I did it. It was awesome. I’m not even sorry.”

Taurus (April 20th-May 20th):

Jewel Theft. “They were just so shiny! I couldn’t help myself; I had to have them.”

Gemini (May 21st-June 20th):

Treason. “Working as a double agent was what I was born to do. You can prosecute me for betraying one nation, but really I was being true to both. I’ll see you in the history books!”

Cancer (June 21st-July 22nd):

Kidnapping. “I just love this child so much and know that I can raise her better than those unfit, abusive parents ever could!”

Leo (July 23rd-August 22nd):

Indecent Exposure. “Woohoo! Hey, if you’ve got it, flaunt it!”

Virgo (August 23rd-September 22nd):

Leader of an International Crime Ring. “Prison walls can’t hold me down. My criminal network is expansive and impeccably organized. Haha!”

Libra (September 23rd-October 22nd):

Identity Theft. “It’s no big deal–I was just trying ‘em on! Is this even really a crime?”

Scorpio (October 23rd-November 21st):

Stalking. “I was driven by the deepest desires in my heart. I couldn’t stand to be away from him, and one day he will realize that we are meant to be together.”

Sagittarius (November 22nd-December 21st):

Grand Theft Auto. “I just had the need…the need for speed.”

Capricorn (December 22nd-January 19th):

Embezzlement. “I plead the fifth.”

Aquarius (January 20th-February 18th):

Civil Disobedience. “It is completely unjust for a big corporation to destroy an ancient tree for the sake of yet another new strip mall. I’ll go to my grave knowing I stood up for what was right.”

Pisces (February 19th-March 20th):

Possession of Hallucinogenic Drugs. “I was just trying to connect with my higher self, to get to another plane of consciousness, you know